Time of Collision: a true story

all so sudden

first i'm wondering how i'm possibly babysitting the Demarcos

then all of a sudden a big CRUSHHHHH

i blanked out

when i realized what happened i thought i was imagining it all

it was like i was shell shocked

"hello...HELLO... Jess?... Hello?"

I looked up to see smoke clouding my sight

I saw the car in front of me pull away

hit the brake

put the car in park

move..... MOVE!... why aren't you moving?!

can i move?

i look at my hands blankly

i'm confused

no no no no no

NO NO NO

SHIT

oh my God

these fumes smell funny

It's all over my hands

i'm going to suffocate

get out of the car now, you're fine

i grab my cell phone off the deflated passenger side airbag

"Miss, are you ok?"

"Are you alright?!"

i nodded

I couldn't stop shaking

I started to pant uncontrollably

what happened?

where's the other car?

maybe he just went away

please just go away

no one else is involved

i'm hyperventilating

i can't breathe

i feel like my stomach is going to pop out of my skin

"C'mon, sit down, calm down"

i sit, it helps

i can't sit

our insurance won't cover this

kates already had two accidents

omg this is all my fault

how did this happen!

how did i do that

i'm so stupid!

how was i not paying attention?

i didn't even see it

o god

"Ma'am can you please tell me what happened?"

i squeaked and couldn't talk

every time i opened my mouth i started to cry

i couldn't speak without breaking down

comforting people

"miss how is your heart, is your heart alright?"

i'm such an idiot

waves of anxiety kept rising as i kept suppressing

i wished i was alone in my room so i could cry

once i start i can't stop

they're all being so nice but i can see in their eyes

they wish they could be mad

calm down calm down calm down

i don't know what to do

i don't know what to do

all i did was glance at my phone

i'd had a missed call

must've pressed send on accident

does jenn demarco know?

did she hear the crash?

how did this happen..........

ah, my hand is burned


--i'm not looking for sympathy or anything here, but no one ever writes this kind of stuff and it made me feel better about the whole thing. and fyi i did not "black" out in the beginning there, i just didn't realize what had happened, but i really feel i can only describe it as "blanking" out, that's what it felt like.--