Saturday, November 8, 2008
Self-Assessment
Blogging is a weird thing. It's a good outlet and at the same time it's a pain. "Don't forget to blog!" "Remember to blog about your shadow self". At the same time, for me, blogging was one of the best things about this semester . Freshman year is so complex and blogging helped me to compromise between my life and my schoolwork. If something was on my mind or i just needed to go on a creative rant, i could do that, and then get serious about school. I really wish i had been able to put up more pictures of myself. Besides that, I'm completely content with the work I have accomplished. The pictures that I did post i absolutely love and the blogs that i posted were real and came from somewhere deep inside myself that i wasn't sure would come out when i came to college.
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Green Eyes and Hot Chocolate
"grande java chip frappucino"
The change drips slowly from my hand to her palm. I stare expectantly over her shoulder to the next coffee addict.
He throws down a twenty, scratching his fat head impatiently. I slop change into his grip and ignore his obnoxious aura. One hour to go. Starbucks empties on a Tuesday afternoon. I rest my chin on my coffee-scented hand and stare out the front windows onto Hempstead Turnpike. Yippy private school kids skip by munching on McDonald's fries, sipping sodas. The hormonal freshman boys satellie around young, rosy-cheeked girls, searching for any hopeful signal. Being boys and girls used to be so simple. Or maybe i was just too complicated and idiotic for him... I come back into focus on a nearing figure. Oh God help me, did he see me staring like an idiot? He definitely didn't miss me falling into my desk yesterday in Philosphy. Wow his eye are really green. I barely know this kid, why do i feel so... vulnerable. Maybe the fact that I havent been available in... forever!
"Hey"
"Hi, how can i help you?"
"I just need a sec, I don't come here much"
I knew i hadn't seen him in here before. How do you flirt? It's been so long-
"Any suggestions?"
He turned a bright smiling face to mine. I realized then that he had one of those smiles that makes you smile even when you don't want to, or when you are trying to play it cool and act smooth.
"The new flavors of hot chocolate we have in are my personal favorite."
"I'll have that then."
I handed him his drink but he lingered.
"We're in Philosophy together."
I nodded yes. I knew what this meant. He was interested. But was I? After the last time I had sworn not to let someone into my life like that again. It was too risky on both parts. But there was something about his face. Honesty. There was something there that could be trusted. His eyes seemed to pull me out of the dark corner i had retreated into. He invite me to lived again.
The change drips slowly from my hand to her palm. I stare expectantly over her shoulder to the next coffee addict.
"tall caramel machiatto with an extra shot"
He throws down a twenty, scratching his fat head impatiently. I slop change into his grip and ignore his obnoxious aura. One hour to go. Starbucks empties on a Tuesday afternoon. I rest my chin on my coffee-scented hand and stare out the front windows onto Hempstead Turnpike. Yippy private school kids skip by munching on McDonald's fries, sipping sodas. The hormonal freshman boys satellie around young, rosy-cheeked girls, searching for any hopeful signal. Being boys and girls used to be so simple. Or maybe i was just too complicated and idiotic for him... I come back into focus on a nearing figure. Oh God help me, did he see me staring like an idiot? He definitely didn't miss me falling into my desk yesterday in Philosphy. Wow his eye are really green. I barely know this kid, why do i feel so... vulnerable. Maybe the fact that I havent been available in... forever!
"Hey"
"Hi, how can i help you?"
"I just need a sec, I don't come here much"
I knew i hadn't seen him in here before. How do you flirt? It's been so long-
"Any suggestions?"
He turned a bright smiling face to mine. I realized then that he had one of those smiles that makes you smile even when you don't want to, or when you are trying to play it cool and act smooth.
"The new flavors of hot chocolate we have in are my personal favorite."
"I'll have that then."
I handed him his drink but he lingered.
"We're in Philosophy together."
I nodded yes. I knew what this meant. He was interested. But was I? After the last time I had sworn not to let someone into my life like that again. It was too risky on both parts. But there was something about his face. Honesty. There was something there that could be trusted. His eyes seemed to pull me out of the dark corner i had retreated into. He invite me to lived again.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Diner Talk
Diners are stereotypically loud places. It's kind of funny how you only notice that when you enter and when you leave. Some random diner in Rockville Centre. Forum for political discussions, social debates, touchy reunions, messy seperations, stage for adolescent drama.
We all nestled into our corner booth, inspecting a menu identical all across America. She looked at him and he at her and they discussed some hilarious happening from days past. I still searched for surprise in predictability. We soon began a chorus of conversation. All was easy. All our problems drifted away like the steam off a hashbrown.
I theorized that if you are coming off the high of a good weekend then you will be content in the coming week. If i must define a good weekend, it is one where nothing dramatic occurs and you simply enjoy existence. A weekend when you just enjoy living.
Our talk flowed freely from gossip, to books, to friends. As the night slowly came to an end, the clattering flatware and spying waitresses came back into focus. We parted ways, but at the same time we were closer.
We all nestled into our corner booth, inspecting a menu identical all across America. She looked at him and he at her and they discussed some hilarious happening from days past. I still searched for surprise in predictability. We soon began a chorus of conversation. All was easy. All our problems drifted away like the steam off a hashbrown.
I theorized that if you are coming off the high of a good weekend then you will be content in the coming week. If i must define a good weekend, it is one where nothing dramatic occurs and you simply enjoy existence. A weekend when you just enjoy living.
Our talk flowed freely from gossip, to books, to friends. As the night slowly came to an end, the clattering flatware and spying waitresses came back into focus. We parted ways, but at the same time we were closer.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
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